Sleep Training - A Necessary Evil

When asked by my boss what I had planned for this weekend, I mentioned sleep training Ethan. "Ohhhhhhhhh. We'll see how you are on Monday."  Another co-worker reacted similarly.  Part of the reason we waited to start on a weekend was the reputation of sleep training.  If we were going to knowingly subject ourselves to long,painful nights, it needed to be over the weekend. 

That was the premise with which we started this weekend.  We've been reading "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child 3rd edition by Dr. Marc Weisbluth" for the past couple of weeks thanks to a friend of ours having an extra copy.  She refers to it as a sleep Bible because it's her go to resource for all things sleep related just like the Bible is the go to book for some people for all things related to just about anything.

Last weekend, we started by paying attention to his awake time.  The idea here is that a baby should be awake for no more than 1-2 hours before going down for a nap.  Overall, I would call last weekend a success.  He went down for naps within the proper time frame.  Mostly I nursed him or we otherwise soothed him to sleep.  Like clockwork though, he was only sleeping for about 30 minutes with a couple of exceptions. 

The week at daycare was just as bad and got worse.  By the end of the week he was taking 20 minute naps.  The important thing to note here, is that according to Weisbluth, anything less than a 45 minute minute nap (1 sleep cycle) isn't restful.

What ultimately led us to talk about sleep training was a combination of daycare patterns and Ethan's inability to go to sleep without some serious motherly soothing.  His other mom is his primary daycare teacher and experiences first hand every day putting Ethan down for a nap in his crib and having him cry non-stop for 40 minutes before falling asleep for a piddly 30.

The bedtime routine has also been painful at times.  The process of transferring a lightly sleeping baby into a crib after he has been nursed or rocked to sleep is an absolute art form.  If he woke up while trying to put him down, it was back to square one.  Waking up in the middle of the night was an issue too.  It got to the point where I was picking him up still swaddled, nursed him, and put him back to bed.  I didn't risk changing his wet-only diaper in the middle of the night either for fear of pissing him off so much that he wouldn't nurse back to sleep easily. I was  I was getting increasingly frustrated (and tired) and bedtime was become a stressor rather than a time to cuddle with my sweet little boy. 

Enter sleep training.  There are so many different strategies and opinions on sleep training.  Do you let your baby cry? Do you go in the check on him periodically while he's crying?  Before this weekend, I would have said I was not an advocate of letting him cry but in hindsight I would say that perhaps I was also a bit naive. 

I've seen first hand this weekend how Ethan's inability to fall asleep was only being perpetuated by our rushing in to give him back his binky or roll him off his tummy.  I observed how quickly he would go from crying to practically asleep in our arms to crying again when we returned him to his crib.  Relying on us to fall asleep and stay asleep was hurting his sleep.

Given his apparent sensitive nature, we opted to take the following approach:
1) Let him cry but console him at regular intervals if the crying continues. (5,7,10,15 minutes)
2) When we go in to console him, pick him up out of the crib, hold him until he's calm again, and then return him to his crib.
3) Before putting him into bed each time say the same thing (modified slightly for nap time versus night time sleeping)
4) If he wakes in the middle of the night or during a nap, wait 5-10 minutes before heading in to allow him the opportunity to fall back asleep.
5) If he rolls over or loses his binky, let him be until the next time we go in to console him.  If we do end up going in, we will give him back his binky and return him to his back.

We've found the Weisbluth book very helpful and also a blog entry dedicated to sleep training.  In the blog, I particularly have found the section on the different types of cries to be valuable (http://community.babycenter.com/post/a5417415/how_to_successfully_teach_a_baby_to_sleep_-_3rd_ed.)

After one weekend and one day of daycare, Ethan is already a changed boy.  The longest he's cried intensely was 35 minutes and the longest he's taken to fall asleep has been about 50.  Listening to him cry is not easy and I don't ever want to take it for granted but in our case letting him cry a bit is working and it has gotten a bit easier.  The successes are already accumulating as well.  He's fallen asleep without his binky on multiple occasions.  He's fallen asleep without any crying on a couple occasions after middle of the night feedings.  He's woken up from a nap and fallen right back to sleep.  And.......drum roll please....... he took a 1 hr 20 minute nap at daycare today.  Considering that at daycare on Friday he took one 15 minute nap and one 25 minute nap, you can perhaps understand why I couldn't stop smiling when I heard the good news today.  He wasn't as grouchy during the day and he actually got some playtime at home before it was time for bed tonight. 

I am truly amazed at what a difference a little self-restraint on our part has had on his ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Considering that sleep training is just as much about training us as it is about training him, I'm grateful too that it seems to have been possible to teach his old dog moms some new tricks. 

My talented little Gumby

At daycare they traced Ethan's shape onto a sheet of paper and then cut it out.  On it, they wrote a bunch of different things that he is able to do.
My name is Ethan and I can
1) respond to tickles and soothing touch
2) display responsive smiling
3) hold my head up
4) bat at objects
5) do tummy time
6) display independence
7) watch movement of own hands and other objects
8) kick my feet

I'll be honest - I gained an appreciation of his 2.5 month old abilities that I didn't have before seeing this list.  Sure I've noticed these things on some level but to look at it from the "My name is Ethan and I can.." perspective changed things for me.  I can't say that I can remember the last time someone praised me for doing any of these things but for Ethan, some of these things are downright monumental. 

One item I had to ask for clarity on was "display independence."  To his teachers, this means that he can chill by himself sometimes and doesn't need them to be constantly by his side.  I certainly hadn't thought of this as an ability of his but I have absolutely reaped the benefits of it!  In fact, I've benefited on some level from almost all of this stuff. 

1) respond to tickles and soothing touch
I'm guilty of ticking his feet while he's nursing sometimes and finding humor in how his little toes curl and he pulls his feet in.  Of course I know that tickling can be a bit torturous to the receiver so I don't do it often but it has brought me joy.

2) display responsive smiling
His smiling in response to something I say or do has to be one of the most rewarding aspects of mommyhood thus far.  It fills me with a sense of love and affirms the bond that I'm working to create with him.

3) hold my head up, 5) do tummy time
These two go hand in hand as tummy time helps him to build strength to hold his head up.  This has benefited me because as he feels less "fragile", I feel more confident in my ability to care for him.  Getting him dressed, diapering him, and bathing him become easier as he gains strength and I don't worry so much about injuring him.  This confidence translates into a comfort with my responsibilities that must, on some level, be having a impact on our relationship.  (Note: confidence does not necessarily translate to speed.  I'm too often reminded how slow I am at all of the above tasks.  Good thing I've got years of practice ahead of me.)

7) watch movement of own hands and other objects, 8) kick my feet
These two bring joy and laughter to my life on a daily basis.  It's absolutely amazing to watch Ethan marvel at the movement of the toys that dangle above his head.  There's a peace to his focus that can ground me when I'm feeling a bit frazzled.  His kicking is often times ridiculously entertaining.  Whether it's his kicking to get his rocking chair toys to swing or to push himself up on his Kicking Coaster, his kicks definitely make me smile.

6) display independence
As alluded to above, this is HUGE!  The fact that I can buckle him into his swing and run off to do dishes is liberating! (Ok, in truth I very rarely wash the dishes but having the ability to do whatever it is I need to do while he's content doing his thing is nice)  The week after I learned the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 S's was one of the best weeks of my maternity leave.  I went from feeling tied down the before to feeling like I had some freedom again without needing to sacrifice Ethan's well-being.

In summary, I'm gaining an appreciation for the little things he does which adds to my life in ways known and unknown.  The gumby cutout came at just the right time for me as I get back into the daily grind of being a full-time employee again.  The time I do have to spend with him is just a little more amazing than in was before.

He's with the band

Music is a huge part of our lives so of course we are hoping Ethan will be a music lover/maker as well.  In utero, besides listening to me singing along to the radio at every opportunity, he had two types of noteworthy exposure to music.

1) I sing in the band at my church. And for those who aren't familiar with WellSpring, I do very literally mean the band.  We have keys, guitar, and drums along with lead and backup vocals.  Most often I'm singing harmonies and standing right in front of the drums.  So pretty much every Sunday between 11/23 (conception via IUI) and 8/3, Ethan was exposed to our awesomeness every Sunday whether he was in the mood for it or not.  Incidentally, he has no problem sleeping through the music now which is a blessing in its own rite.

2) Once he was big enough that we could feel and see him moving around inside, we found a toddler radio station on Pandora and would put an iPhone on my belly with the music playing as loud as we could make it.  Ethan would go nuts!  Rach and I would watch the iPhone bouncing as Ethan was wiggling to the music.  It brought us such joy on several different occasions.

So, the story for today is about Ethan becoming a part of the band today.  Before today, I've never actually had him up on stage with me when we've been rehearsing the songs for a service.  Rach and I typically drive separately because there are 2 services and I go to both whereas she and Ethan just come for the 2nd service.  Today though, we were consolidated into 1 service because our usual worship space was in use and we were relocated to a larger space that could accommodate a larger crowd.  Ethan was wide awake, so I brought him up on stage with me and held him (like shown in the picture) for a good 20 minutes while we ran through all our songs in their entirity.  He was so chill!  After a few of the songs he would coo a bit and although his arms were pretty still the whole time, he had his hand resting on mine and his fingers were just wiggling around a bit.  Future guitar player perhaps?

After being wide awake during the entire rehearsal, he proceeded to fall asleep and snore (loudly enough that someone 3 seats away was looking over and smiling) through Ken's entire sermon. 

For those that are fans of keys rather than guitars, don't give up hope yet.  Our keyboard player, Harry, has a special place in our hearts.  When we found out we were having a boy, we told the band by informing them we were going to have a little Harry.  Ethan's nickname (among an isolated few people) is little H.  He's got nice long fingers and I can definitely see  him learning to play.  It appears as though he's already dreaming about playing keys too. 

Not just a walk in the park

Today was a very exciting day to say the least.  So much so, that I decided it would be better to write the details in this format rather than having lengthy captions or status updates on facebook.  Hard to say how this forum will be longerm but figured it was worth a try.  Maybe if I'm feeling creative, I'll try to write from his perspective on occasion. For now though, it's late and I can't think about how I would describe today's chaos from his perspective. :-)

It was really nice out today so I asked a friend to go walking with Ethan and I.  He had just eaten and had a diaper change so I decided that I wasn't going to bother bringing his diaper bag.  When I told Rach that, she said something along the lines of "I hope he has explosive diarrhea."  With that threat spoken outloud, I opted to grab a diaper and headed out the door.  There was already a diaper in the bottom of the stroller so I figured we'd be okay.  No wipes. No change of clothes.  Perhaps you can see where this is headed already.

Rather than walking with him in his car seat being attached to his stroller, I decided I was going to front carry him in the Moby wrap.  I was supporting under his legs with my hands to help minimize the risk of hip dysplasia.  We had walked about 1/4 mile or so (of the 2 1/4 mile loop, when he pooped.  Of course, he was in the perfect pooping position within his knees basically in a supported squat from my hold and the Moby.  We kept walking for a bit when I felt that his outfit was wet by his leg and sure enough, when I asked my friend to take a look, she confirmed that his diaper was seriously leaking. 

At this point, not attempting to change him was not an option so we backtracked to the closest bench and preceeded to change him.  Because we had no wipes, one of the 2 diapers became a makeshift wipe.  When that wasn't working, his clothes did the trick.  At this point, his clothes were pretty nasty so what was a bit more mess in an effort to clean off his body at least.  It was all over his bottom and it had been running down his leg too.  Pure nasty.  We determined that the best thing to do was strip him naked (down to his diaper. Thank God I had grabbed one as I walked out the door) and just try to keep him warm with the blanket.  The clothes were way too soiled to keep on him and would have make holding him or putting him in the car seat a disgusting endeavor. 

I did a makeshift job swaddling him and proceeded to place him in a psuedo cradle hold in the Moby so that he would benefit from my body warmth as we finished the walk.  Oddly enough, the though of turning around never crossed my mind.  I was determined to enjoy the warm weather and the exercise. 

He fell soundly asleep pretty soon after we started walking again and slept until we put him in the car for the ride home.  Of course he got a bath right away upon our return

What is the lesson of the day?  I suppose I should never leave the house without diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes although I'm sure I will.  It was a great laugh and everyone made it out alive.

As an aside, I do think it was his mommy's diapering of him that led to the disaster.  I'm pretty sure she put the diaper on a bit crooked and that his little hiney wasn't centered in the middle of the absorbant part.  She got a good laugh when I called to tell her what had happened.  By the time we were all together again he was already bathed and dressed so the only evidence of the blow-out was the poopy clothes which are soaking as we speak so that I can wash them tomorrow.